STEP 5
Integrity
“Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”
By admitting to the past poor behavior examined in step 4, clients are able to let go of shame and guilt. The spiritual principle behind this step is integrity.
A SOZO Client’s Point of View:
“Integrity is a word that I don’t remember ever using before coming to SOZO to get sober. The fifth step said, “admitted to God, ourselves and another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.” I had no idea that, when I wrote my fourth step inventory, I was listing “the exact nature of my wrongs”, but I guess I was. And now it was time to meet with God and another human being to discuss these things. I chose, as my human being, my A.A. sponsor, who I was beginning to like a little by now. He seemed like a pretty good guy. When my sponsor asked me if I minded if he formally invited God into our conversation, I was a little stunned and didn’t know what to say, so I just nodded “yes”. By “formally invite” he meant praying, which was a habit that I was just getting used to. He asked God to join us and be with me as I shared my fifth step with him. Strangely enough, I found this prayer to be a very comforting idea and I liked the thought of God being right in the room with us. I soon found out that writing my inventory in a private room is a whole lot different than sharing it with my sponsor in front of God. Looking back on the process, I guess that “coming out” in front of God and man is a process that called for integrity on my part. So, here I was, just trying to follow the process of moving through the steps at SOZO, and, with hardly even trying, I now had experienced five tremendous spiritual principles: honesty, hope, faith, courage, integrity. The thought entered my mind at this point that I just might be able to stay sober for a long time. I was beginning to like this life”.
What AA Step 5 Actually Says
Step 5 speaks to three listeners, and each one matters. A man first admits his wrongs to God, who already knows them. Praying through an inventory moves the list out of the realm of secrets and into the work of recovery.
Next he admits his wrongs to himself. Step 4 started this work, and Step 5 finishes it. There is a difference between writing “I lied to my wife about money” and admitting it without the excuses a man usually attaches. Step 5 is the version with no excuses.
Last, he admits his wrongs to another human being. That phrase separates the fifth step from private regret. Regret stays private, and Step 5 happens across a table in daylight.
Choosing the Right Person to Hear Your Fifth Step
The Big Book gives a man real freedom here. Most men choose one of these listeners:
- A sponsor. A sponsor has given his own fifth step and heard others, so nothing on the list will surprise him.
- A pastor. For a man of faith, a trusted pastor can hear a fifth step as both confession and counsel.
- A counselor. In treatment, a licensed counselor offers confidentiality and the training to help a man see the patterns in his story.
The listener should keep a confidence and stay steady through hard things. He should also stand outside the wrongs a man admits. That usually rules out a wife or a business partner, to protect them as much as him.
What Happens After a Man Finishes Step 5
Men describe the hour after a fifth step in much the same way. Relief comes first, and a man feels it in his shoulders and in his sleep that night.
Insight comes next. A good listener reflects the list back, and halfway through a man starts to hear his own patterns. His resentments trace back to the same fear, and the harm keeps landing on the people closest to him. A man rarely finds that pattern alone, because it takes another set of ears.
That insight feeds the steps ahead. It helps him become ready to have his defects removed, and later it helps him list the people he has harmed in Step 8. A man who has told one person the whole truth has proved to himself that he can face the people that truth involves.
Step 5 Inside a Men-Only Program
This step lands differently at a men-only program. A man giving his fifth step at SOZO lives among men who have done it or will do it soon. Nobody at the dinner table thinks he is strange for having a past, because the man across from him in group had his own conversation last month.
That community sits inside real structure. Our 12-step recovery work runs alongside licensed clinical care and faith-centered practice. Step 5 is a demanding hour, and men do it best in a place built to hold it. On our quiet campus the conversation can happen unhurried, and afterward the man who set his burden down has brothers to eat supper with.
Starting takes one phone call. Our admissions team listens on the first call and helps your family find the right level of care. Call SOZO Recovery Center at 501-984-5317.
PRINCIPLED RECOVERY SERIES – 12 STEPS TO SPIRITUAL AWARENESS
Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) defines the 12 Steps as “a set of principles, spiritual in nature, when practiced as a way of life, that can expel the obsession to drink (or use drugs) and enable the sufferer to become happily and usefully whole.”
The 12 steps are a process of getting honest with yourself, cleaning up the wreckage of your past, and learning how to live your life in a better, more meaningful & principled way. Based on the idea of God as each individual understands him, the 12 steps are generally spiritual in nature.
In this article series, we examine each of the 12 step principles from a SOZO client’s perspective, as they journey through the twelve steps. Through direct survey feedback, we’ll join various clients and their growing awareness of the spiritual principles behind each step in this series of articles.
After you admit your exact wrongs, you can prepare to remove those character defects by reading about the 6th step prayer.
Questions people ask
What is AA step 5?
This step requires you to admit the exact nature of your wrongs. You share your past poor behavior with God and another human being.
How to do step 5 AA?
You meet with another human being to discuss your past poor behavior. You can choose an AA sponsor and invite God into the conversation through prayer.
What does the exact nature of our wrongs mean?
This phrase refers to the past poor behavior you examined during step 4. You list these actions when you write your inventory.
After you admit your past wrongs, you can use that honesty to work step 8 aa and find the willingness to make amends.
Admitting your exact wrongs gives you the courage to repair past damage by making amends in step 9 aa.
Once you admit your past wrongs, you can build daily perseverance by learning about step 10 aa.
The promises come after this work, and our guide answers what page are the promises on in the big book.
Read next: Step 6 AA and Willingness: Were Entirely Ready to Have God Remove All These Defects of Character