You go to your dad’s house for Sunday dinner, and the bottle is already open on the counter. He is the man who taught you to drive and to show up on time. Now you watch his drinking take a little more of him every year, and you are not sure what a grown child is allowed to say.
You are allowed to say a lot. If you are wondering how to help an alcoholic father, you are already doing the first thing right, because you care enough to look for a way. You can start with a few steady moves, and our admissions team can help you with every one of them.
Start by taking care of yourself
It may feel backward to begin with you. NIAAA’s treatment guide says caring for a person with alcohol problems can be stressful. It asks family members to find a way to care for themselves while they help. That might mean leaning on your spouse or on friends from church who will listen without judging.
NIAAA also points family members to support groups made for them. Its list includes Adult Children of Alcoholics and Al-Anon Family Groups. A room full of people who grew up with a parent who drank can make you feel far less alone. If you notice signs of depression or anxiety in yourself, NIAAA suggests getting professional help for you as well.
You cannot carry your father’s recovery for him. NIAAA puts it plainly: your loved one is responsible for managing his own illness. That truth can lift a weight off your shoulders, and it leaves room for the part you can play.
How to help an alcoholic father talk about treatment
Your part can make a big difference. NIAAA reports that many health care providers believe support from family and friends is important in overcoming alcohol problems. So the conversation you are dreading is worth having, and it goes better with a little preparation.
Pick a calm moment when he is sober, and keep it private. A holiday table or a crowded room will put him on the defensive. Speak from love and from what you have seen yourself. Tell him what worries you and why it matters to you, and keep the focus on his health and on the grandkids who want him around.
Have a next step ready before you start. A father who hears “I am worried” may nod and change the subject. A father who hears “I already called a program for men, and they want to talk with you” has something real to say yes to. Our guide on what to say when you ask someone to go to rehab gives you words that keep the talk gentle and clear.
Some families decide to talk with him together. If you are thinking about that, read our guide to a faith-based intervention first. It covers how to plan the talk so it feels like love to him.
What to do when he says no
He may say no the first time. NIAAA reminds families that changing long-standing patterns is hard and takes repeated efforts. It asks you to be patient with your loved one, because overcoming this disorder is neither easy nor quick.
A first no does not end your part. Keep the door open and keep the relationship warm. You can set limits on what you will do for him, such as covering for him or handing him money that goes to drinking. Our post on enabling and supporting shows where that line falls for a man in addiction.
When he makes an effort, notice it out loud. NIAAA says a word of appreciation or acknowledgment can go a long way. That respect keeps the relationship open for the next time the subject comes up.
You can also call us before he agrees to anything. Our admissions team talks with families about a man who is not ready yet. We can tell you what treatment would look like for him, and we can help you plan the next conversation.
What treatment looks like for your father
Your father may picture treatment as a locked hospital ward. Our program looks nothing like that. Our residential treatment takes place on a multi-acre campus in Jessieville, Arkansas, with a restorative, peaceful setting and no hospital feel. Our residential care follows ASAM Level III with round-the-clock support, and every man gets a personalized treatment plan. He learns the underlying causes of his drinking and healthy ways to cope with stress. He leaves with a long-term support plan, so the work keeps going after he comes home.
If his drinking has gone on for years, he may need medical help to stop safely. We do not provide medical detox ourselves. We coordinate detox placement with partner facilities when he needs it, and we hold his place in our program for the day he finishes.
Our program joins Christian principles and the 12 steps with evidence-based practices. Prayer and scripture are part of his days. So are group therapy and one-on-one therapy. We also treat co-occurring disorders at the same time as the addiction, so depression or anxiety gets care too. We serve men only, so your father spends his treatment with other men who understand him.
You stay part of his recovery. NIAAA says couples and family counseling can play an important role in repairing family relationships. It also reports that strong family support through family therapy raises the chances that a person stays away from drinking. Our outpatient program includes family counseling, and our partial hospitalization program includes family therapy. As he steps down through our levels of care, you get a seat at the table again.
If your father still works, residential care may not be the only option. Our intensive outpatient program gives at least nine hours of treatment a week, and sessions can run in the evening or on weekends. The admissions team will tell you which level of care fits him after a conversation about his drinking and his health.
Questions adult children ask about an alcoholic father
Can I call a rehab for my father without him?
Yes. Our admissions team talks with sons and daughters who are calling for their dad. We can answer your questions, and we can help you plan how to bring it up with him.
How do I talk to my dad about his drinking?
Choose a calm moment when he is sober, and keep it private. Speak from love and from what you have seen, and have a next step ready. A specific offer is easier for him to accept.
What if my father refuses to go?
Stay patient and keep the relationship warm. Set limits on enabling, and take care of yourself while you wait for the next opening. Our admissions team can help you plan the next conversation.
Is there support for me as his adult child?
Yes. NIAAA lists groups for family members, including Adult Children of Alcoholics and Al-Anon Family Groups. You can also ask our admissions team about the family counseling in our outpatient program.
Take the next step with SOZO
Your father can still be the man you remember, sober at the Sunday table. We help men in Arkansas heal with faith and clinical care, and we bring their families into that healing. You can call before he is ready, and we will help you take the next step.
Starting takes one phone call. Call our admissions team at 501-984-5317, or read about admissions at SOZO first. The admissions team checks his coverage on the first call and tells you which level of care fits. Our main office is at 505 W Grand Ave, Hot Springs, AR 71901. If a man is in danger right now, call 911.